Growing, it is a very involved process, so why do I get so upset with myself? There is a process that a plant has to go through to grow, planting, watering, bearing fruit, etc. Sometimes I feel like Charlie Brown’s Christmas tree, but Charlie Brown saw the potential in that little shabby looking tree. I think God works the same way, he takes me a shabby little tree and makes me into something beautiful. He speaks life and love, and meaning. Why is it so hard for me to go through the process of being a shabby little tree to something beautiful? In the words of Charlie Brown Ugh!
I need to enjoy the process. It seems like sometimes I am getting no where, but I know those are the times when God is working the most. Right now I can say that I have been mad at myself for things I know I need to improve on. First of all my house, before I had Daniel I kept my house pretty darn clean and looking nice. Now my house has Nutella and milk stains on it, my living room is Daniel’s designated play room. I have a chair in the corner of my bedroom that used to sit so pretty with an afghan draped over it and a decorative pillow. Now it is holding a heap of my laundry, yes, I use it as my laundry basket instead of using the actual laundry basket. I have not dusted my house since April and I have dust bunnies floating all around my hardwood floors. The only two rooms I try to keep the most clean are the kitchen and the bathroom. Sorry, I had to rant there! Now don’t get me wrong I LOVE being a stay-at-home mom and having Daniel with me all of the time, but why do I beat myself up over all of this? I feel the need to be super mom, like Kelly Ripa and her Electrolux commercial.
I do have to say though, I spend the majority of the time teaching my son whether it be through play, crafts, reading, t.v., singing, and outdoor play. The most important thing to me right now is Daniel, and I want him to be a godly, well-rounded boy/man. I want him to follow God so closely, that everything he does he does unto God. I spend a lot of time thinking and praying about this.
Lately Daniel has been having a lot of tantrums and I think it is partly being a two year old and the other part not being able to express his feelings with words. I also beat myself up because Daniel has tantrums, thinking that it is my fault. Really, I over analyze everything. I guess it comes down to I am not perfect, he is not perfect, but God is perfect and through Him we are righteous, (thank you Sheila).
But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love wherewith he loved us, even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ, (by GRACE ye are saved;) and hath raised us up together, and made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus: that in the ages to come he might show the exceeding riches of his GRACE in his kindness toward us through Christ Jesus. For by GRACE are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: not of works, lest any man should boast. (Ephesians 2:4-9)
Love reading your thoughts and prayers. May God continue the good work that He begin in you.